July's Online Parenting Class Part 2

LISTENING [Part 2]

Moving Beyond Wah, Wah Wah...

don’t know why it rocks my socks when scripture just, straight up, says how we are to parent very specifically. If you haven’t had a chance to watch this month’s video, I really want to encourage you to. It speaks of the verse in Proverbs that says, “The one who gives an answer before he listens – this is foolishness and disgrace for him!” See what I mean?

We are talking about really listening!

Listen when your teen yells!

Listen when they laugh!

Listen when they say things that seem to have no importance whatsoever!

Listen when they are silent. Sometimes you will hear the most at these times!

Our teens are tired of being lumped all together as individuals who are all rebellious, and smart alecks, and hard to get along with. They are mostly tired of being treated like children.

Is that why we have such a hard time listening to our teenager? Do we still see that first grader who needed us, or the third grader who didn’t want to go on the field trip without us, or that fifth grader who still wanted us to tuck them in and pray with them at night?

You have done a great job of training up your teenager in the ways of God. You are not quite done, though. This step is just as important as all the others. By listening to them, you are teaching them how to listen to Him. Trust that God has allowed you to plant many truths deep inside that precious teen. The only way to know is to truly listen even if that means you give no answer!

July's Online Parenting Class

LISTENING

Moving Beyond Wah, Wah Wah...

Do you remember Charlie Brown’s teacher or grandmother or whatever adult happened to be on the other end of that telephone line with him? The only conversation we ever heard Charlie Brown have with them was punctuated with “Wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah…” as the adults response to him. Do you feel that it is also all your teenager hears when you speak? Wah, wah, wah!

Let me ask you a question you may have never considered. Do our teenagers think that is all we hear when they try to talk to us? Hmmm. Hadn’t thought of that? Couldn’t possibly be! Here is a great test to see if that is true. After your teen talks, do you start your part with the phrase, “Yes, but….”? If so, that means you probably haven’t listened. You have spent the time that they were talking formulating a response, or an answer, or even a brilliant idea that they just have to hear since it is coming from parental wisdom!

I think you probably have many of the answers to so many of your teens questions and problems. You have experience and age on your side! But sometimes the best lessons your teen will ever learn, and the lessons that stick the hardest are the ones that they learn themselves. Without the correct answer, but with the listening ear of their biggest fan. You!

Often we beg God to make our teen just listen. How about we, as parents, first ask Him to give us an ear, not just to hear, but to listen!

The next part of this week’s online parenting class is a short video that furthers the conversation.  I’d love to hear what you think of it: https://vimeo.com/parentministry/review/84188976/ac8a01662e

June's Online Class Part 2

BROKEN TRUST

Part 2

Dear Parent,

“How could you hurt me like that?” Have you ever wanted to scream those words in the face of your teen? Or at least murmur them in passing? Although screaming might be somewhat of a stress reducer!
Your teen often has no idea the power that they hold over you to hurt your heart as a parent. That’s why sometimes they don’t understand why you have to take a step back in order to process what they have just done or said that brings you pain.
In order for our teens to learn how to restore trust with us, they also have to learn that sometimes we just need a moment to work through the pain that they just caused us. Anytime something causes pain, our initial reaction is to push away. We can’t do that when it is our teenager causing the pain.

When King David broke trust with God by taking another man’s wife and then killing that same man (I Samuel 11 & 12) God didn’t immediately confront David. I Samuel 11:27 says, “When the time of mourning was over, David sent and brought her (Bathsheba) to his house and she became his wife; then she bore him a son. But the thing that David had done was evil in the sight of the Lord.” The time of mourning for Jews was at the least 30 days, and it also says that Bathsheba bore David a son by the time the prophet Nathan appeared to tell David what God had to say.

My point in sharing this story with you is to remind you that when your teenager makes a choice that is diametrically opposed to Godly principles you have always taught, you need to take a moment or a day or even longer to work through the anger, the fear, and the sadness of the results of broken trust. You will be better able to help your teen understand that their choices affect so many more people than just themselves. You can teach them how to take responsibility, ask for forgiveness, and recognize how to restore that trust with you. Whether you know it or not, your trust is very valuable to your teen. Have you ever lost something of value? How much more valuable is it to you when you find it again? Don’t you take better care of it?  And so will your teen.

Walking with you,

Ricc

June's Online Class Part 1

BROKEN TRUST

Part 1

Hi Fusion Parent,

Nobody told you when you had children how personal it would feel when that very same child made a mistake that broke your trust. Nobody told you how much it would hurt your feelings. And, I don’t even know if anyone ever told you how important it would be to let your teen know that trust can be restored!

But let me tell you now! It is imperative that your teenager knows that no matter how big of a mistake or a mess they make, you haven’t slammed the door on them. Sometimes that is really, really hard.

Teenagers have no idea that the decisions they make, good and bad, are absorbed into the very heart of you, their parent. And, as parents, you often give that decision great influence over your confidence as a parent! Let me say this and please hear me. The choices your teenagers make do not define you as a parent! They are your teenager’s choice.

Your job was and has always been to teach them what is right and then give them the freedom to choose. The second part of that same job is to teach them about the consequences of all choices. And when that choice is made in the heat of the moment that is guided by maturing teenage logic and wisdom (or lack thereof), we as a parent need to let that teen know trust can be restored. Maybe not today or tomorrow, but at some point that trust can be brought back to its original condition.  Check out this video by clicking here.

Your Biggest Fan,

Ricc

May's Online Parent Class Part 2

 FRIENDS Part 2

Dear Parents,

In the video for this month, we gave you some basic action steps on helping your teen choose friends wisely. I want to include those in this email so that you can have a resource to use when you need it!

1. 1. Give them tools to wisely choose their friends. (recognizing the influence friends have, making a list of qualities they want in a friend, understanding what Godly qualities look like)
   2. Help them to create boundaries with their friends. (boundaries of respect, time, influence)
   3. Teach them how to let a friendship dissolve. (When it is unhealthy, when it has run its course, without letting it affect their self esteem when a friend walks away)
   4. Take a step back! (Guide them in their choice but don’t control, encourage them without manipulating them, understand that this is a very important step in the life of your teen, don’t take it personally)

One of the most beautiful pictures of friendship in the Bible is the relationship between David and Jonathan throughout I Samuel. In chapter 18 it says ,”…Jonathan committed himself to David, and loved him as much as he loved himself.” It often seems hard to find that kind of friendship any more. But not impossible!

The greatest lesson to be learned from the friendship of Jonathan and David is not what to look for in a friend, but how to be the kind of friend that honors God. Trustworthy, honest , kindhearted, loyal, and faithful are all wonderful qualities to find in a friend. Our teens need to know those qualities must be fostered in themselves first and then searched for in others.

Walking this road with you,

Ricc

May's Online Parenting Class Part 1

FRIENDS Part 1

Dear Parent,

I just want to encourage you this very minute. You are extremely important to your teenager whether they acknowledge it or not. Now with that being said, you need to know that you are probably being replaced as the “best friend” in their life. Some of you are shaking your heads as you read this , because you have already dealt with this very issue. One of the hardest things to understand as a parent is how very important friends are to your teen and how not to take it personally when you aren’t the “go to” person anymore.

Talk to your teenager about their friends. Help them determine the qualities of a good friend. And remember , listen to what your teen has to say regarding friendship. They are smart and can be discerning if they aren’t shut down by all of the requirements that you have for prospective friends. You taught them about respect, and trustworthiness, and character. They won’t forget those lessons as they choose their friends.

Allow this to be a time when you can talk openly with your teenager about friendship. Allow them to be just as open. Sometimes it’s very easy to have expectations of your teen that you aren’t willing to have from yourself. Do your friend choices match up with what you are requiring of your teenager? They watch and often navigate down the same roads their parents have taken. Ask yourself if this would be a hard mirror to look in?

The video we are providing gives you great ideas on how to help your teen foster true friendships and learn how to be a true friend themselves. Watch the video HERE.   Just remember, you aren’t being replaced. It’s more like they are learning how to better appreciate you in later years. Ok, maybe it is being replaced for a short time. But they need a parent more than they need a friend right now anyways!

Walking this road with you,

Youth Pastor

Ricc
 

April's Online Class Part 2

Shepherding Their Heart Part 2

SET THE EXAMPLE FOR YOUR CHILDREN

Dear Parents,
If you haven’t had a chance to view this month’s video, I would like to encourage you to take a few moments to watch it:  http://vimeo.com/parentministry/review/76756779/c0b0d03574

Today I want to share an encouraging Scripture with you. 1 Corinthians 11:1 says, “Follow my example as I follow the example of Christ.”  Paul wrote those words to a the church in Corinth. He wasn’t speaking about parenting specifically, but he was giving a beautiful picture of spiritual leadership.

You see, the way you as a parent will be able to shepherd the heart of your teenager is for you to simply follow after Christ.  I know it can be intimidating to lead spiritually.  That’s why I love this Scripture. It simplifies the whole process.

1) Follow Christ, and don’t be afraid to let your teenager see you do it.

2) Have the courage to invite your teenager to follow with you.  None of us are perfect, but Christ is.  Just tell your teenager, “I’m following Christ every day, so if you want to know how to follow Him, you can follow me.”

That sounds spiritually arrogant doesn’t it?  It sounds like you are the expert in following Jesus.

Paul wasn’t expressing spiritual arrogance when he made the statement.  Paul was saying, “I love you so much, that I am willing to walk in front of you and lead the way to Jesus.”

Have you ever been completely lost?  Have you ever had the experience of stopping to ask for directions, and the person doesn’t just tell you where to go but they lead you there?

It’s so comforting isn’t it?  That’s the gift you offer your teenager when you offer to blaze a trail for them to follow in their spiritual journey.

Walking this journey with you,

Ricc